The key is love. And laughter…

Weekly writing assignment from Mama Kat: Describe how your relationship with your spouse is different than the relationship your parents had while you were growing up.

Okay – so let’s be honest here: I don’t have a spouse. Not even a fiancé. In fact, at this particular point in time, I don’t even have a boyfriend. Or a random guy to go on dates with. I do, however, have a notion of what I’m looking for. And for once in my life, I’m not budging on that. I’m not going to settle for someone to fill the moment.

My parents divorced when I was really young, so I can’t really draw much from that relationship other than the knowledge that even when things go horribly wrong, there is someone else out there that will make you happy. I’m not saying I’m an advocate for divorce – trust me, I’m not. But it’s taught me that I want to be as sure as I can possibly be about a relationship before I take the dive into married life.

And it’s given me the opportunity to learn from two very distinct relationships.

My dad and stepmom got married when I was six, and over the last 19 years they’ve experienced their share of tribulations – to put it mildly. But despite the hardships (or maybe because of them), I’ve seen them come together and become closer than ever. They’ve taught me the power of forgiveness and the importance of putting your faith in God.

My mom and stepdad got married when I was seven, and from their relationship I’ve learned it’s important to let go of the little things and support each other above all else. I’ve learned that you don’t have to be perfect to be perfect for each other. And that a little head rub goes a long way.

And from both marriages, I’ve learned that laughing together is vital – especially when it would be easier to cry.

Maybe one day I’ll be able to put all of this knowledge to practical use. But it will have to be with a guy who loves me enough to put up with my crazy moments and respects me for who I am. I won’t settle for anything less.

And when that day comes, I hope I can have a happy, fulfilling, give-and-take kind of relationship with someone who can make me laugh, but isn’t scared to see me cry. Because I’ve learned that there’s no sugar-coating it – a relationship, especially a marriage, can be hard. But in the end, it’s about making a commitment to stand by someone through whatever is thrown your way. It’s about compromise. And it’s about not giving up.

11 Responses to “The key is love. And laughter…”
  1. Breean says:

    Yeah! I like your new blog layout…I am definately going to check it out :) You sound like me too girl! Have those boundaries set and don’t budge…it will pay off!!! Great blog!

  2. Jenners says:

    I like that you have two good models of marriage to look at … even though your mom and dad couldn’t make it work together. And you’re right on the money. Hold out for the person who will work with you to make it work. And you won’t have to work SO HARD when it is meant to be. He’ll make it easy for you. Trust me … I learned the hard way.

  3. Amanda says:

    I agree with you 100% – I used to ‘settle’ for guys that were way below what my standards should have been.

  4. Kimberly says:

    You said it sister!
    Great post. I agree, no settling and you’ve gotta have fun with your spouse.
    stopped by from mama kat’s

  5. Laughing together is vital. I think that is great wisdom! Sometimes when Gary and I are laying down to sleep at night we will just burst into laughter. It makes everything better. That is for sure. : ) I hope you have a special someone to laugh with at the perfect time :)

  6. Paula says:

    I’m currently single too and feel very similarly to you on this. I hope we both find what we’re looking for. :)

  7. Paige says:

    I think you have the right idea – no need to settle! I wish you lots of luck!

    I also love your “about me.”

  8. Lacey says:

    This was really beautiful, Heather. Relationships are hard work, but fun work, too. ;-)

  9. Constantin says:

    Great post Heather!
    I’m gonna marry soon and I find truth in everything you wrote above.
    Thank you!

  10. ~ H says:

    Well said, sister! There’s something very powerful in knowing what you will not settle for and what is vital to make your relationship work. You will find ‘it’ when you least suspect it!

  11. It’s very very true. My ex and I got back together and within the first day (today) we already had a little quarrel… I didn’t think anything of it, but he sure did…Gracious! ;) Anyway it’s always a breath of fresh air to read your thoughts… I agree that God should be in the midst of everything! You’ll find your prince charming and he’s going to be a lucky guy when he finds you!

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